(Lively music)

(ALL SPEAKING AT ONCE)

Hey hey, here comes Piper.

Let's get quiet or she'll blow that loud horn.

-Okay, people, quiet down!

(Horn blowing)

-But we were already quiet.

(Horn blowing)

-Okay this meeting of the Man Fans will now begin.

Our first order of business should be...

(SLURPS)

Jasper, why are you even here?

-Yeah, you're not a Man Fan.

I just figured, since you guys are into Captain Man and Kid Danger,

I could, you know... teach you a few things.

(SLURPS)

Uh, we're experts on Captain Man and Kid Danger.

-Yeah, what do you know? Oh well, you know, just stuff like

did you know that Captain Man likes his French fries hot

but his ketchup...

(SLURPS)

cold?

Uh, how would you know that? Mm, I have my ways.

And I bet you guys don't know

that Kid Danger can touch his elbows behind his back.

Oh big deal, my brother can do that, too.

Hey! I was talking' about Kid Danger.

You brought up your brother, not me, okay?

I did nothing wrong!

Okay.

About Captain Man's favorite...

(Doorbell ringing)

Benny, get the door. -Yes, madam president.

(Canned laughter)

-Oh, hello! I'm from Babaloo Balloons.

-It's a man. -Thank you!

(Canned laughter)

-Hi. Whatcha need?

-Well, someone ordered balloons for your Man Fan meeting today.

Uh, hey, did any of you guys order balloons?

(ALL) No. No.

Sorry, but... Oh, now you're in my house.

-(CLEARS THROAT)

And now... Emerge!

(Cart rattling)

-It's stuck! -Stuck? What do you mean it's...

Oh good grief, it was working this morning.

-Get me out of this thing.

Ow! Ow! Stop it!

-(GRUNTS)

(Canned laughter)

-(EXHALES IN RELIEF)

Do you know how uncomfortable it is in there?

-No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me.

-Wait, wait! Aren't you Nurse Cohort?

Nurse Cohort?

She's the assistant to...

-(GRUNTS)

-Doctor Yamaka!

-Minyak. My name is Doctor Minyak.

Guys, he's dangerous! Everyone outta here!

(ALL TALKING INTELLIGIBLY)

-Come back! Come back in here.

No no no! Get back, get back.

(GROWLS)

(Canned laughter)

Now sit!

(Suspense music)

-Well, then...

would you children like to see what Doctor Minyak can do with...

helium?

-I don't know, I guess. I guess so.

-Yes. Watch what happens when I use my heliometer

to heelee-ahmatize this balloon filled with...

helium.

(Canned laughter)

(Machine powering up)

(Machine blasting)

(Balloon crashing)

(YELPS)

(Birds chirping)

Ahahaha!

(ALL) Oh.

Yes. Ooo and ahhh indeed.

-Okay, why are you even here? -Well, isn't it obvious?

We're taking you hostage. Hostage?

Piper, call Captain Man! -Oh, yes. Let's do call Captain Man.

What'd you just do? -You wanted me to slap you five.

-No, I want my phone! Give me my phone!

-It's in your pocket!

-No, it's not! If it were in my pocket,

don't you think I'd know it was my pock...

-Is it in your pocket? -Shut up!

(Canned laughter)

(Lively music)

Okay.

A few more.

(Camera shutter)

Alright, alright. (GROWLS)

Ah.

Wave to the girls! Look at those hot girls on the beach!

Hi girls! Hey girls...

C'mon get into it. I am, I am.

Alright. Hey girls!

You're embarrassing me in front of girls that don't exist.

Ah, c'mon! Show me some emotion!

Ah... Give me some feels, baby!

Yeah, c'mon Henry. We're on a beach in Hawaii!

No, we're not.

I feel dumb.

Hey! Do you have any idea how many people wish

to be featured in the new Swellview calendar?

Well, go find them!

I don't wanna do this.

Look everybody, she's complaining. That's fresh.

(Machine beeping)

Hey. Hotline call. Yeah.

Schwoz, Charlotte, get over there to not be seen.

Okay.

(Machine beeping)

Hey!

This is Captain Man and Kid Danger.

Uhhh... what is your emergency?

"Actually, it's your emergency."

Minyak. "Doctor Minyak."

Pfftt. You're no doctor. You're just evil.

"Those two things aren't mutually exclusive, you know."

What does that mean?

"It means a person can be a doctor and evil, all at the same time."

Yeah, well nobody likes you.

Hey! What are you doing?

I think Doctor Minyak is at my house!

Okay.

Is your mom home? No. Why?

I just think about her a lot. What? Ray!

"Hey now! Where did you go? I demand attention!"

Alright Minyak, where are you?

"Uh, who, me?

"I just happen to be at the house of the president of your Man Fans."

Pip...

"Wait, what was that? What did he say?"

Uh, I think he was gonna say pi...

...neapple. Pineapple!

Pineapple. Kids today love pineapple.

I love pineapple. This one loves it.

Pineapple or pine cone.

Or he could have been talking about the number Pi.

Oh yeah, 8675309. 3.1415926535...

Jenny, I've got your number... I've gotta make you mine.

(Canned laughter)

It just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job,

but an indestructible superhero hired me to be his sidekick.

Now we blow bubbles and fight crime.

Feels good!

(Opening theme)

Go ahead. Up the tube!

Oh, my boot! Ah!

Okay Minyak... "Mmm?"

We know exactly where you are. "So you just wait right there

like a good little jerk."

We'll be there in a few minutes with our fists.

Four fists. Yeah.

It's gonna be a real fistival.

A what? "What'd you say?"

"I said fistival. You know, like a festival? But with fists."

"Oh god, that's so stupid." Is not! You're stupid!

"You know what you should've said?" "No."

"You coulda said: I hope you're thirsty,

'cuz we're bringing' some punch."

Ah, yes! Punch. That's very clever.

(SIGHS) I'm so bored. Maybe we should leave.

Nah, they're gonna need us eventually.

Just c'mon, let's go attack Minyak.

Let's do it.

"No!"

"If you two super zeros

don't stay right where you are, this kid flies."

-"Help! He's got a Hebrew Meter!"

-Heliometer!

"Wait, what do you mean the kid flies?"

"Yeah, what do you mean flies?"

"You see, if I use this to blast the helium in those balloons,

"it will geometrically increase their heely-osity,

"and then your president will fly straight up through the ceiling,

"and she won't stop until she hits the moon."

-"The Moon?"

All right now...

"Listen to me, Doctor Minyak..."

If you hurt that girl, you're dead meat.

Not that know that girl... personally.

I just care so much

'cuz it's my job to care about people

like that girl in that chair who I do not know.

"No, you listen! For the next three hours,

"my minions will be traveling over Swellview, robbing, stealing,

"burgling, all the evil gerunds.

"And you will do nothing to stop me.

"Because I'm watching you, Kid Danger and Captain Man.

"And if you leave my view...

"The girl flies."

(GRUNTS)

Fine, we'll just call the police.

"If you call the police...

"The girl flies."

G'ah! I thought it was gonna work.

There, there, there. Yes. (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

"You'll never get away with this."

Yes. "You always lose."

"You are an unpleasant person." "That's right."

(Canned laughter)

Um, is this yours?

No. Okay.

(Canned laughter)

"Now! I want Jimbo to rob the Inside Out Burger Restaurant on Doheny.

"Yes. And I want Rico to break into the funeral home

"and steal all their snacks!"

Guys!

Guys!

Psst, psst.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Geez!

Gross. You sprayed my face!

Just listen. Schwoz and I think we know a way

that you can go stop doctor Minyak.

We can't go anywhere. We have to stay here.

No, Doctor Minyak just has to think you're here.

But how can we... Shhh! Just wait there.

We'll be back. Wait, what?

Will you tell us what the plan is?

"What are you two talking about?"

(BOTH) "Uh..."

"Just, just cheese." "Cheeses."

"Cheeses that we enjoy." "I'm into cheddar."

"I like Manchego, a hard Spanish cheese."

"Well, I hate cheese. Especially Spanish ones that are hard.

"And I hate you."

(BOTH) "Ah." "Fair enough."

"We appreciate the feedback."

(Canned laughter)

Hey Schwoz. I'm at Henry's house. You ready?

Yes. Go ahead and distract Minyak.

"Got it, bye."

(Doorbell ringing)

Yes, hello?

Hi. I'm selling double-A batteries.

You're selling what?

-Okay now! He's not looking! Quick! Hurry!

Okay, how does this work? What does it do?

It will make Minyak think that you're in the Man Cave.

Now stand side by side and turn around. Hurry!

All right! Okay, all right!

That goes through there. What? No, no.

You could find a great use for these batteries.

I have no need for these double-A batteries.

Or like remote controls.

They're way better than those C batteries.

I don't want any... I despise all batteries.

This is the best you can do, Schwoz?

A poster and some belts?

My mother was killed by a double A battery!

These are amazing batteries. I don't want any batteries!

Enough! Wait, if you...

(BLOWS)

That was so upsetting.

(Canned laughter)

-And now.

-Yes, my two friends... being good little boys.

-It's working! Now hurry! Go rescue Piper and Jasper!

Right. Let's go.

Ah!

(HUMS)

Nurse Cohort, come look at this. -Look at what?

The quality of the picture on this TV.

Isn't it fabulous?

-I guess.

-Ah. I know. I bet it's one of those fork TV's.

-Fork?

-Yes, very high resolution. Fork.

"Wait, uh... I think you mean four K."

Four K? Pfft, it's not French.

(Canned laughter)

-(SNICKERS)

(Elevator beeping)

(Canned laughter)

There you guys are! C'mon! Hurry! Hurry up!

Where have you guys been? (BOTH) Shh!!

"What was that?"

What? "Did I hear a little girl?"

No, that's just a... That's just a game we play.

"Here... in the Man Cave."

Yeah! It's called "Little Girl, Shush."

(GIRL VOICE) "Hey, Captain Man." "Shhh, little girl."

"See? Fun!"

"No more games." "No, no."

(GRUNTS)

Sorry. So what are you gonna do now?

Just go in there and get him? No, that would be stupid.

We'd never fit through the front door.

We have to go in the back way.

All right, go! Let's go.

(Canned laughter)

(GRUNTS)

No, no way! You did? -What happened?

-Maurice broke into the home for the elderly

and stole all the wheelchairs.

-Ah! That's wonderful! -(MINYAK LAUGHS)

Take that, elderly people!

-Hey! Doctor Minyak!

Doctor Minyak! Yo! Over here! Look at me!

-Hold on, Maurice, I'll call you back.

Now, what is it? -Uh...

-What do you want? -Uh...

Well, I was just curious... Umm....

Are you and Nurse Cohort like a couple?

-Ha!

(Canned laughter)

-Did you just laugh?

-Uh, yeah. I was just...

laughing at Captain Man and Kid Danger on the TV.

-I don't see what's so funny.

-So... have you and Nurse Cohort ever gone on a date?

-Well... not an "official" date,

but Nurse Cohort and I have one of those

"will-they-won't-they" relationships.

-Mmmm... yeah, not really.

-What, are you going to pretend you don't have a little crush on me?

-I don't have to pretend. I don't have any kinda crush on you.

-Well... why not?

-I mean, is it me? -Yeah.

-Oh, I see.

And who, pray tell, do you have a crush on?

-Well...

-Captain Man? Him?

Yeah, I think he's cute. "She's not wrong."

You shut up!

"Why don't you say that to my face?"

I just did.

"Uh, turn around."

Turn around... Don't see the point of that.

(Canned laughter)

"Turn around and keep your head up."

Keep my head up... Now, haha.

(BOTH) Surprise!

(Canned laughter)

(Lasers firing)

No!

(Action music)

Ha!

Now, drop your weapons! Or else I'll send your president

up through the roof and somewhere over the rainbow

where bluebirds die.

Okay. All right. We'll drop 'em. Okay.

Ha! I've won again! Yes!

(BOTH) (SCREAM)

Don't move!

(BOTH) (GRUNT)

(Action music)

(Horn blowing)

(NURSE) (SCREAMS)

-Ha! Nurse this!

Get her!

(MINYAK) Come back you coward!

Let's take off this rig! Let's do it.

(BOTH) (GRUNT)

(Action music)

Hello. What?

Ow! My ear!

Ah! You lost the grapple!

Hey you! Put the president back in that chair!

Disarm! What the...

(Canned applause)

You give me that back! I don't want to.

But I'll give you my palm. Your palm? What do you mean?

(Canned laughter)

Nice face-palm. Thanks.

Hey, can I borrow that for a sec? Sure.

Hey, Minyak. What?

No, no, no, no.

Don't use my heliometer against me! Why shouldn't I?

Well, it's too on-the-nose! Tell it to the bluebirds.

Over the rainbow.

(Machine blasting)

No!

(Loud crash)

Despite this comeuppance,

I'll be back. Eventually!

-Hey, I'm home...

(Canned laughter)

Okay... is anyone I know dead?

(Canned laughter)

(Closing theme)